MST3K #110 - Robot Holocaust, with Commando Cody, ch. 9

“My Dad’s his own favorite dish!” - Joel



Starring: Norris Culf, Nadine Hart, Joel Von Ornsteiner, Jennifer Delora, Andrew Howarth, Angelika Jager. Writer: Tim Kincaid. Producer: Cynthia DePaula. Director: Tim Kincaid. Released in 1986.

Commando Cody – Starring: George Wallace, Aline Towne, Roy Barcroft, William Bakewell. Writer: Ronald Davidson. Producer: Franklin Adreon. Director: Fred C. Bannon. Released in 1952

Original air date: January 23, 1990

The 1980s weren’t a good time for anybody. The music was bad, the hair was terrible and the country generally lost its way. I think “gross” best describes the time period. And the quality of bad films is legendary. Especially science fiction films.

With the unexpected success of the bleak futuristic films of the 1970s – “The Road Warrior,” “Soylent Green,” etc… - filmmakers of the 1980s attempted to make more films in that vein. Gloomy and depressing and hopeless was the look of the future, which was no longer bright and hopeful. Living under the constant threat of nuclear war and Ronald Reagan will do that to you. Some of these science fiction films just sucked the life right out of you.

And it didn’t help that many were shot on a shoe-string budget. “Robot Holocaust,” filmed during the heart of the lost decade, is a prime example. Cheap sets and even cheaper props reign supreme. Actors so bad it defies understanding lurk in every scene. Lazy writing and plodding action were the norm. In other words, these kinds of movies make for perfect Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes. And even though we’re in the first season, where the writers are still finding their way, “Robot Holocaust” still makes for a fun episode. Plus, it’s the first movie the crew riffs on that’s filmed in color. A big deal indeed!



This is also the show where we finish the long-running and mind-numbingly repetitive “Commando Cody and the Radar Men from the Moon.” Off and on since the second episode, Joel and his robot friends have been forced to sit and watch this Republic serial, focusing on a scientist in a cardboard jet pack who must tweak his nipples before launching into the air. In Chapter 9, “Battle in the Stratosphere,” we rejoin Cody and his team back on the Moon as they fight against the head-to-toe jumpsuit wearing Moon Men. Cody escapes certain death (again), gets into a fistfight (again) and yells ridiculous dialogue in the most serious way (again!). But something happens here. As Cody and his buddies take off in their Christmas ornament spaceship, the film breaks. On screen in front of Joel and the bots is a funny picture of Drs. Erhardt and Forrester saying “Oops, the film broke.” That’s it. No more Cody. Apparently, the writers were as bored with the serial as I was.

What’s there to say about Commando Cody? It was hugely influential to thousands of theater-going kids, but it’s painfully dull. Each episode repeats off the first two, and while the characters face certain death at the end of each chapter, they always get out of it in the next one, thanks to a few “missing reels,” as Joel has pointed out. Kids might still find it interesting, but I did not. And I was happy they cut off the ninth chapter early. I really didn’t care what happened next. And judging from previous episodes, I’m guessing Cody eventually saves Earth from the Moon Men by the end of Chapter 12.



Now onto the headache inducing “Robot Holocaust.” This movie sad on my head and didn’t move the whole time I watched it. These types of films used to play on Saturday afternoons on my local cable station growing up and, for some reason, I used to get sucked in watching them. I have no idea if I saw this one, but it’s possible. I certainly remember seeing a future episode featured on MST3K that is reminiscent of this.

In the distant future (1987?), humanity has been enslaved by robots after what the narrator informs us in a doomsday fashion was the Robot Holocaust. That narrator is so depressing in his narration, that Tom Servo will forever impersonate him every time a bleak scene appears in future movies. Anyway, in this new future, humans are slaves that fight each other to the death for the pleasure of the Dark One, also known as the leader of all bad robots. Disobedience by humans results in the robots poisoning the air in the room (planet?). A scientist and his buxom and scantily clad daughter have developed an antidote to poisonous air, as has a warrior (Norris Culf) from the “outlying provinces.” This warrior is also telepathic, I think, with other robots. He comes complete with a C-3PO clone, who is amazingly unfunny and stupid (“In the future, all robots will act like Don Knotts,” Crow says). The warrior’s name is Neo. Perhaps that’ll make you second guess the originality of the “Matrix!”



The scientist is captured and Neo agrees to help his daughter find him by infiltrating the Dark One’s lair. Along the way, they encounter a tribe of men-hating women and their sex slave, who looks a lot like Anthony Kiedis. This ragtag team of warriors resembles the worst the ‘80s unleashed on the public (“Looks like we patched into a Metallica video, you guys,” Joel says at one point).

And this is supposed to be the lifeless future, right? The background in the outdoor shots looks like a pretty busy and fully operational New York City. “If I were skeptical, I’d say that was Central Park,” Joel says. I’ll say. Tourists must have thought they stumbled onto a half-assed Renaissance festival when they found this film crew.



Various fights break out along the way for our heroes, including a battle with mutants where we’re treated to more than a few decapitation scenes. In sets probably filmed in someone’s garage, the gang of rescuers later encounter cave worms, which are painfully obvious sock puppets (“I don’t think my socks ever got that bad,” Joel says). There is also a scene involving a giant spider, but all we see is its one arm being controlled by a prop guy off screen who doesn’t know how to use a fishing rod. Terrible. “The film is rated B for basement,” Servo states.

There are two notable aspects of this film that Joel and the bots have a field day with; the first being Angelika Jager’s incomprehensible performance as the Dark One’s human (or is she?) assistant, Valeria. In a European accent that’s tough to nail down, she mumbles and slurs her lines and performs them with such ineptitude, it’s astounding. Words can’t do her performance justice. It must be seen to be believed. “Does she have a big piece of hard candy in her mouth or something?” Joel asks. Besides that comment, Joel and the bots have a good time guessing exactly what she’s saying from scene to scene. Her mispronunciations and the gang’s critiques are a highlight of the first season.



Second to Jager’s screen time is the “big reveal” at the end. Neo and the gang find the captured scientist, but the Dark One has already absorbed him into his grip. What appears on screen is a depressed looking actor (the scientist) sitting in what looks like a giant avocado suit. He sticks out of the giant vegetable with a green face and asks for death. I can’t tell if that’s an actual line from the character or an actor’s valid request. It could go either way. The man’s dressed as a giant avocado, after all. The gang has a good time with finale and guacamole in general (“Better dead than a spread!” Crow says), and the scientist even becomes subject to the show’s first contest – name the Avocado Man!

As with other first season episodes, the riffs are improving but still aren’t quite there. The sheer horrid quality of “Robot Holocaust” helps things along, thankfully. The invention exchange is hit and miss. Joel’s flaming pipe is another in a long line of inventions involving fire. The Mads’ bank robber mask of the future is very funny. With remote control eyebrows, bank robbers can display a wide range of emotions and not just be menacing all the time.



The sketches are decent. Crow and Servo create the “We Zone” after the film’s “She Zone,” where men-hating women warriors keep men as slaves. The funny part of this sketch is that it comes before the viewers get to see the “She Zone” in the movie. Most likely a mistake on the writer’s part.

Other sketches include the bots attempting sitcom-esque comedy, complete with a Cambot-produced laugh track, and the bots trying to dress like the film’s heroes while starting their own post-apocalyptic tribe.

MST3K’s first color film is memorable for many reasons. As we’ll see more 1950s and ‘60s space monster movies, we’ll also see plenty more bad ‘80s future films, as well. Bring ‘em on!

Rating: ***