Starring: Peter Breck, Kent Taylor, Rod Lauren, Alan Hale, Jr., Allison Hayes, Sirry Steffen, Arline Judge, Syd Saylor. Writer: William Edelson. Producer: Joseph F. Robertson. Director: Herbert L. Strock. Released in 1963.
Original air date: December 26, 1989
Family visits and adventures in the mountains kept me away from the blog for a few days, but I’m back. And back at the further adventures of the Satellite of Love crew. The season’s fifth-filmed episode is a great piece of drive-in theater schlock, complete with overacting galore and bad makeup. Not to mention a crawling appendage. Now comes “The Crawling Hand!”
This second episode also marks a lot of “firsts” for the series. For those familiar with the later episodes of the show, much of what starts here will be familiar for the entire run. In the first episodes, commercials began immediately after the intro song. From here on out, the camera pans back through the elaborate theater entrances to the main room of the SOL. Before the first commercial begins, stranded spaceman Joel introduces viewers to the show’s synopsis, saying he’s been sent into space for “no good reason” and is awaiting news from the mad scientists as to which movie he’ll be forced to watch. We also see three paneled, blinking “buttons” that signify the movie sign and when the Mads are calling. For some reason, every time Joel hits the button, he gives himself a grape, almost like he’s receiving an award or something. After the commercial, we visit Drs. Forrester and Erhardt as they begin the invention exchange and the show continues from there.
We also get another “first” at the end of the show; Joel reads the first fan letter live on the air that the Mads “kindly” fax him every morning. The hosts will read letters from fans for the next seven seasons.
Also of note, the silhouettes at the bottom of the screen are no longer black, but instead tinted dark green. The network feared people couldn’t see Joel and the bots watching the black and white films, so they asked for some distinguishing feature. The green tint only lasts a few episodes.
As for the film, this is when the riffs and jokes really start to click for the writers. There are fewer long pauses, more pointed commentary and some genuinely funny moments – Joel and robots are starting to find their rhythm. It’s not as great as it will get, but this episode is the best so far this season.
It helps that we get a break from “Commando Cody and the Radar Men from the Moon” in this episode, and “The Crawling Hand” is so silly that it opens itself up to ridicule. As the film opens, an astronaut is returning from a lunar mission when something goes wrong. The mission’s ground controllers, Steve Curan (Peter Breck) and Dr. Max Weitzberg (Kent Taylor), receive a call from the fated astronaut, even though it appears there is no oxygen left on his ship. It appears the man is possessed by some alien force. In true “Star Trek” fashion, the astronaut twitches his face and shouts “Kill” every five seconds. “Looks like he took acting lessons from William Shatner,” Crow observes. Let the overacting begin!
The ship explodes over the sky and pieces fall onto a beach in California. Two teenagers, Paul Lawrence (Rod Lauren) and his Swedish girlfriend, Marta (Sirry Steffen), discover a severed hand that freaks them both out. Paul is drawn to the hand later one night and brings it home with him. That’s when the hand puns come out in full force with Joel and the bots, and the funniest strangulation scenes put to film are seen.
First, the crawling hand lurks its way through the house before taking out the home’s brandy-drinkin’ and pill-poppin’ landlady. It then goes after Paul, where it passes on an alien pathogen. Soon Paul starts doing his best Shatner, much like the astronaut, and even sports the same raccoon-like makeup. The hand itself is obviously an actor’s hand as the camera never shows the fully severed arm moving on its own. Aside from the hand puns, some of which get old quickly, there are some real zingers. “I recognize him, he used to be in Def Leopard,” Crow says at one point as the hand crawls by.
The town’s local police force immediately suspects Paul in the landlady’s murder. The Sheriff (Alan Hale, Jr.!) is kind to the distraught Paul, but pretty much holds himself back from shooting him when talking to his deputy. Talk about mood swings. Of course, having Hale on scene – the man who played the Skipper in “Gilligan’s Island” – allows for plenty of Gilligan jokes. Unlike future episodes, the writers don’t always hold back when they should and beat the joke into the ground. Although the “Where’s the little body, little buddy” from Servo doing the Skipper voice is memorable.
Eventually Steve Curan and Dr. Weitzberg come to the small town to investigate the crashed spaceship and try to stop the attempted strangulations, as well as the crawling hand that’s causing all sorts of problems.
There are times this film is amusing on its own, even without the riffs. The two men in charge of the lunar mission always seem to be shouting at each other and slapping tables every other sentence. The incessant yelling and shouting is hilarious, especially when the dialogue is never anxiously written and always mundane. It’s like Peter Breck and Kent Taylor decided to perform as an old married couple in their scenes. Of course, Breck will take the grand overacting award in a future MST3K episode, “The Beatnicks.”
Rod Lauren’s performance as Paul Lawrence is also odd. Sure, he overacts like crazy when he’s possessed by the crawling hand, but he’s such a dick to his hot girlfriend, you wonder why she’s still with him. Never once do we care when he starts going around strangling people, or giving them poor “Dutch rubs,” as Crow points out. Paul’s girlfriend, Marta, is played by a former European beauty pageant winner and isn’t given much to do in the movie, except for acting concerned, chocking on cue and filling out a bathing suit nicely. The best part is when she asks Paul what it means to be “stacked.” Crow responds: “Stacked means you’re really smart!”
Then there’s the old malt shop owner, played by Syd Saylor, who likes to tell everyone that there are many things “not allowed” in his store, such as dancing and rats. Of course, Joel and the bots decide that acting, zombies and chocking are not allowed either. The impersonations of him are truly funny, some of which pop up in future episodes.
I should point out that the wooden, proposing doctor (Tristam Coffin) from the last episode, “The Corpse Vanishes,” turns up in this film. Also, Allison Hayes, who plays the scientists’ assistant, makes her first appearance in the show. She’ll turn up many more times in worse films. Once you start watching enough of these B-movies, the same people continue popping up. No wonder this show gained a cult status.
As for the skits, the writers still have a ways to go before they get them right. The invention exchanges are funny, with Joel’s safety saw and the Mads limb lengthener, and Dr. F stretching Larry’s arm across Deep 13. But the other skits are just stupid. Too bad, because I think the impersonations of “what if Shatner starred in ‘The Crawling Hand’” had some real potential.
Had this film been done in Season 4 or 5 instead of the first season, this episode may have been a classic because movie is perfect for the show. Still, it’s a step above what we’ve seen so far and one that has plenty of repeat-viewing potential. Anytime one of my friends wants to see a Season 1 episode, I generally pull this one out.
Rating: **1/2
Sidenote: This episode is available as a single-disc release from Rhino. It may be out-of-print now.
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